Category Archives: family

Birthday’s Are Good For You

This weekend I celebrated my 43rd birthday. I use the word celebrated because that is what is expected.

What actually happened was a quick visit with the family, birthday cake and cards. Then takeout for supper followed by 13 hours of sleep. Guess I needed sleep.

Life Goals

Living my life without my brother was never something I imagined I’d be doing at such a young age. There is so much pressure for me to celebrate each and every year without him.

I miss you so much Michael. We all do.

Just Don’t…

Make eye contact with strangers.

A very long time ago I learned a valuable lesson that came into play again this morning.  While I was out running errands, I had pulled over in an empty parking to send a few texts, etc. 

After a minute or two I look up and see a car approaching me. Okay, cool, someone else is here. It is a blue Taxi. Car 555.

He slows down as he is beside me, I look over and he is staring at me. Dangit we made eye contact! He’s past me now but he stops and reverses. He is again beside my car. His window is down now.

I roll mine down and say hello. He says hello back and asks how I am. Good, I say. He asks where I live so I lie and say a few streets away. He then asks if I’m married. Then continues to ask more personal questions.

Why do men assume that when a woman literally only “looks” at them that it is an opportunity to talk as if there was interest?

I simply made eye contact in a public place and he went out of his way to come back and talk to me. I did not wave or appear to be in danger or in need of help.

I guess I’ll just go back to my anti social bubble and not look at anyone in the event I have to live my life 🙃

I’m not mad at you, 2019. Just disappointed

What started off as a great new year surprised us all shortly in last year. Being a new year, I now have to say my brother died last year.

Wednesday March 27th, 2019 is the day he had his heart attack and he died 4 days later. March 31st, the day everything changed.

Nothing will ever be the same. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Oiler games, summer, winter, concerts, funny show’s, one liners, jokes-good or bad. I could go on, but the point is NOTHING IS THE SAME without my brother.

I have pictures on my phone from when he was in the hospital attached to tubes, bags and monitors. I still can’t bring myself to even look at them. I took them so that when he woke up I could show him what he looked like so maybe he would understand how scared we were. Had I known that he wouldn’t recover I would never have taken them. I’m not sure I will ever look at them.

My feelings remain the same almost 10 months later. Although I am not mad about it anymore, I do still wonder why everyday. For me not understanding why it happened is the hardest. There simply is no reason. They say everything happens for a reason, but I’m not convinced. For this, there is no reasonable explanation. And I guess that’s okay.

I miss you so much, Michael. We all do.