Another question I’ll never know the answer to. I never imagined my brother would suddenly die in my early forties.
This was never the way it was supposed to go. We were going to be old and funny. Go to the mall for lunch, A&W For breakfast, rent mobility aid scooters, get discounted deals everywhere. Simply because we were old, and lived life. Celebrating being old.
I imagine Scot and I will still do these things, but it won’t be the same. I won’t have my big brother. The guy who always had the answers to all my questions. Every single one.
I’ve had so many questions buzzing in my head since he died. I’ve missed him so much and so many times. I’ve done so many things that I would have shared with him. He truly brought the best out in everyone.
I haven’t worn mascara since March, 2019. I just couldn’t seem to keep it on without it turning to a streaky mess. I’ve come to the point where I am comfortable without it now.
Grief often feels like when you’re driving down a road you’ve never been down before. Except there aren’t many signs which tell you which way to go.
I think about my brother every day. All day. I just have so many questions to ask. Not ask him but someone, or something. I guess the hardest question would be why? Why did this happen? I’ll never ever get an answer to that question. Nobody ever does. Maybe as days go by you just start to wonder less.
Personally, the hardest part of each day is waking up. After minimal sleep most nights, each day begins with the thought that maybe it was all a dream. But then you remember it is real. You live each day with this emptiness. It still doesn’t feel real, and it’s been over 4 months. It’s real-not real over and again. Every day. I miss so many things about my brother. He was such an enormous part of my life. He had the answer for everything. Truly had a way of making such a huge impression on anyone who had ever met him.
This weekend we celebrate his life with the first annual Mike Lowe Memorial Golf Tournament. All proceeds to benefit The Royal Alex Cardiac Care Unit. They really did take such care of him there. Really great people.
There is always a lesson to learn. This time that lesson is to Be Like Mike. He took priority on making everyone him feel so special and included. Be Kool, Be Like Mike.
My phone rang just after 7 am. It was Melissa, Michael’s fiancé. I don’t exactly recall all the words, only Michael*heart attack*ambulance*hospital.
I gathered my thoughts and fears, got dressed and headed to the hospital in a daze. My brother remained in a coma and was pronounced dead 5 days later.
March 31, 2019. The day everything changed. We suffered such a tremendous loss in this world when Michael passed away. He created this gigantic impact on our tiny planet during his 44 years with us.
It has been 128 days since I have seen or talked to my brother. Trying to grasp this has been extremely hard. This is a journey I wish I could never have taken. However life throws us a ball and we try our best to move our arms and swing.
Please join this journey with me and feel free to share your special journey as well.